As the feedback on the former poem was big, here is a new question! Thanks a lot for the many comments about my poem #5, i really appreciate it! You guys really make this site alive, and motivates me to keep on writing!
What do you see as success?
This poem was written TODAY as a part of the midweek motif on the site http://poetryblogroll.blogspot.com/. Enjoy, I haven't used much time to edit it, but I think I did a great job anyways!
//EDIT! Also posted on http://dversepoets.com/ for their monthly open link night!
//EDIT! Also posted on http://dversepoets.com/ for their monthly open link night!
"Success"
We listen to the marching rhythm of the work force
traveling it's way to the waterhole.
They greet, drink and feed of each others suits and ties.
Appearance is a sign of the content-less poets.
Listen to the writing of the lone accountant prowling on its prey.
Money is a helpless animal
hunted by
the modern carnivores.
We're haunted by a constant stabbing in the back,
social creatures you might say.
Do well
Do good
Do better
Do best
Success is what we make it
birds learning to fly
Success is what makes us
forming armies of student loans and self-abuse.
Success is what drives us
blows cool air in our face at much needed times
Success is what it is
a never-ending fear of failure molding us into brutish creatures.
WOW! I see us edging for space at that drinking hole, afraid of dying of thirst. I truly like the structure and progression of images here as you take us on that walk to questioning a success that makes us so hard and unkind.
SvarSletThank you for your kind words! :) This poem came to me late last night as i couldn't sleep, wondering for ideas for the next midweek-motif, and then i grabbed my pen and notebook as fast as i could hehe :)
SletThat last line is fantastic, love it.
SvarSletThanks! I'm glad you found it enjoyable!
SletI imagine ants unquestioningly marching on..in a kind of battle that seems ageless and endless..if only we stopped and thought what success could mean..a poem..a kind word..all counts..fine words!
SvarSletIndeed, we all need to stop our endless marching to stop and think about what really matters to us! Sometimes we chase something, which we do not know why...
SletThis poem totally gob-smacks me with its true snapshot of what our society considers success - especially love "Money is a helpless animal
SvarSlethunted by the modern carnivores.". Fantastic response to the prompt.
Thanks alot! I am really glad you liked it!
Sletyeah... if our main motivation for doing something is to be successful, it is surely a dangerous path
SvarSletIndeed it is, it can destroy a whole life if it derails at some point!
Sletmoney as the hapless animal
SvarSleti like the cascade in the end of what success is as well
each one a bit of a turn...
success can def be destructive...
good to see you man.
It sure can be! Great to see you again as well, i really enjoy reading your work!
Slet"Money is a helpless animal
SvarSlethunted by
the modern carnivores."
so much truth in that alone... $$$ - people will do the most f'd up shit for it... guess that's why they call it "the root of all evil"
Money is a fake trading tool used to buy fake pleasures, if only we all could go back to trade whatever we have for services and items!
SletMZ, you really have nailed many kinds of success in this world....and not all of them giving a positive picture of success! Lots of wisdom here!
SvarSletThanks! Success is not what most people draw it to be, it has it's bad sides too, which are not shown very often :)
SletSuccess as measured in the eye of other is a lethal path.. either it leads to failure or even worse -- to success --- feeding the urge for more success --- and a longer drop in the end... (btw.. do I spot a fellow Scandinavian here).
SvarSletSuccess breeds more and more success until it ultimately leads to the destruction of the human being in search for it.
SletAnd yep! I'm from Denmark! Godt at se nogle skandinaviske digtere her i blogging verdenen ;)
Så en norrman och en dansk on en svensk.. mycket bra.. och Tina som är född i Sverige..
SletNice! Er ret nyt til blogging, så lige nu kan jeg se at der ligger en hel verden foran mig til at udforske! Dejligt at der er andre der bor lidt tættere på end alle de amerikanske bloggere man ser rundt omkring hehe!
Sletloved the theme of this.. success is what ever your definition is...and can only be measured by you...
SvarSletI'm pleased that you liked it :)
SletM.Z.,
SvarSletYour poem made me think of success in other ways, aside from my own poem. A superb final line, really draws all else together and supports this human expression and why we keep going..Fear of failing.
Eileen
Fear is what drives most of us to do something, not a positive thing though unfortunately. But thanks, I'm glad you liked it! :)
Sleta straight up look at success, M.Z.
SvarSletIf this poem were a painting it would be primary colors and harsh lines.
Nicely done
Many thanks for your kind words! I like how you compare it to a painting! If I had the skills to paint (which I don't unfortunately) it would be interesting to illustrate some of my poetry to accompany it on this site!
SletLots of food for thought here ~ I specially like this part:
SvarSletSuccess is what it is
a never-ending fear of failure molding us into brutish creatures.
Nice to meet you ~
Nice to meet you too! I spent a lot of time crafting that sentence into something meaningful, so I'm glad you liked it!
Slet'Success is what drives us'...I believe in this...you've painted in myriad shades.....
SvarSletThanks for your thoughtful words!
SletI think we should never judge our success through other's eyes..that is the thing which gives us the trauma, the fear of being criticized !
SvarSlet"Money is a helpless animal
hunted by
the modern carnivores."
Great lines !! how wonderfully you've expressed the greed and lust for money..
I completely agree with you! And thank you, I really like when I receive kind words for my work! :)
Sletthe image of everyone passing the water hole is powerful.... I wonder why we can never have enough....
SvarSletAn endless cycle for some i guess...Not good though!
SletWell said MZ. Very direct and yet very cool. You've excellently covered all players in their yearnings to be successful. Great word craft!
SvarSletHank
Thank you!
Slet